NIGHTMARES

NIGHTMARES

Bright light stabbed through her eyes into her brain like spears and no amount of squeezing her eyelids as tight as possible could prevent them from entering into her skull. She whimpered and tried to turn her head but it was as if it were cemented in concrete. Even her body felt as if it didn’t exist in any other form than solid rock. She felt panic rising in her. A sensation as if the light penetrated her skull and made everything a see-through substance scared her. Was she dissolving? What was happening to her? Through her eyelids she was able to see images like shadows that seemed to be moving silently in and out of her sight, doing something. She heard noises above her head, a whirring sound that became a soft humming and then other sounds almost like the purring of a cat joined into the mix.
Then for a long time, there was silence but the shadows seemed to be busy with something, wavering backward and forwards. Lights flickered in different colors and intensity and with growing fear she thought something sinister was about to happen. Where was she? What was this place? Who or what were those shadows and why could she not move? Not even her eyes would open. In reality, she felt nothing holding her, yet it was impossible to move a muscle. Trying to feel something solid yielded no results. It felt as if she were suspended in the air but frozen like solid ice. However, her body felt neither cold nor warm. It felt nothing.
And then she felt invaded and wanted to scream at the shock of the touch, but strangely enough, the invasion felt soft and soothing, even erotic and a very pleasant feeling permeated her entire being, yet the desire to escape from this place overpowered the pleasant sensations in her abdomen. She wanted to escape. Something was being done to her that she had no control over and had no choice in the matter. Being violated must feel like this, she imagined. By far the worst was that she couldn’t fight back. She was overpowered and rendered helpless, a feeling she hated with every fiber of her being.
Her body felt as if it was on fire while at the same time it became stronger, more alive and sensitive. Waves of a pulsing sensation washed over her body, some felt pleasant and others disturbing. It wasn’t pleasure or pain; it felt as if parts of her body were reorganized. She wanted to open her eyes to see what was happening but the light was too powerful and she was afraid they would be burnt out of their sockets if her eyelids were able to obey her command.
But as bright as the lights were, they were cool and even felt good on her face and seemed to penetrate her entire structure, not only her head. The sensation was that of being made of water or liquid glass. When she was younger she didn’t have any idea what the many things inside her body were - she had always thought that she was only a bag filled with the food she ate and blood – when she injured herself this red stuff kept coming out of her and scared her witless. She used to ask for a bandage to stop the leaking.
What was happening to her now? Was she in a hospital? Why couldn’t she move? Was somebody doing something with her body? A surgery? An implant? What was being inserted into her body?
That her reasoning mind fluctuated between adult images and that of a young child didn’t seem to bother her. In one scene she felt like an adult and in another a child. She knew something weird was going on.
Although her mother and father had told her about having a stomach and a heart and some other things that she found too gross to talk about, and honestly, she didn’t care; she was a child then, but now her curiosity was awakened and she wished to see what was inside her.
Frustrated she struggled again but not a muscle answered to her will. Without a sensation of her limbs, without the possibility of opening her eyes, she settled into a passive state but swore; if she survived and got control over her body, she would raise as much hell as she was able to. Nobody had the right to hold her against her will and do whatever he or she wanted. Her father had raised her to be like her older brother, a tomboy, but still feminine. He called her his thorny princess and she loved it. She was not a pushover.
Even her brother who was three years older was afraid of her strong will and her relentless pursuit to get what she wanted. On the other hand, she was very happy with the things that she had and seemed without much want for things. She loved what she had and her sharing attitude of anything made her the darling of the neighborhood, but she would turn into a devil if she felt restricted or unfairly treated in any way.
Once, when she was just three, her brother had thrown her into a windowless wood shed and locked it from the outside. She had used a stump as a fulcrum and a shovel for two hours to lever the door out of its hinges to get out and then chased him with the same shovel for another two. When her father heard about the incident, he felt, with good reason, rather sorry for the boy than for her.
Now being helpless still didn’t stop her from plotting her revenge. But first, she had to be able to move away from the light. Again she tried and with the same result, nothing. Then something else caught her attention. A sound as if someone or something came towards her and she wanted to shout, to get their attention, but no sound came out of her mouth. Listening as the sound circled around her, another wave of warmth caressed her body and she had the impression of being naked. Absolutely not right. She didn’t want to be naked in front of other people she didn’t know.
Unwilling to give up she tried again to force her eyelids open and the next thing she realized was that the light seemed to wane and a shadow fell onto her face and through a haze, she saw the face of a large cat bending over her and something like soft paws caressing her face. Another vision slipped in beside the feline and green eyes dominated the new image. This cat had the looks of a female cat and incredibly intelligent eyes seemed to penetrate right into her own eyes. Soothing and loving images came to her aggravated mind and suddenly she felt at peace. Her vision seemed to clear and it was as if only this one cat existed and seemed to communicate with her. An image of children playing with cats was in her mind and one of the children was she. She seemed to be watching herself from a distance as she rolled around with the cats and they swatted at her and then ran away.
Then a chirping sound got her attention again. Melodic and almost constant, it made her think someone was warbling. Pleasant and hypnotic in quality, the sound put her at ease and her body and mind relaxed, her discomfort ceased and the next thing she felt was sitting on a large cat that carried her on her back. A child again she felt happy having her own pet that seemed to enjoy taking her for a ride over a grass-covered plane. This was way too cool.
Somewhere in the distance, a few horses harnessed to a wagon seemed to be grazing and the cat headed towards them. When the horses lifted their heads and pranced around nervously, the cat stopped and she got off. Lying down on its side the cat seemed to want a rest. Suddenly tired she lay down in the grass too and propped her head on the feline’s shoulder and looked up at the clouds. The cat’s large paws held her and slowly moved over her back. This had to be a dream. Her cats were much smaller than this one and it would be her caressing them. She gave up the struggle to find out whether this was real or a dream. She was certain that she was asleep. The reality was not like this.
Waking up with the sun shining on her face Helena chased the remnants of this strange dream away and searched with her hands for the familiar contours of her husband on the bed beside her. When she couldn’t feel him she raised her head from the pillow and turned around. He wasn’t in bed and she felt a stab of panic. He was always there or nearby and she got used to his comforting presence. The smell of baked bread wafted in through the open door but the house was quiet this morning. The advanced stages of her pregnancy didn’t allow much movement and she was relying more and more on him to assist her out of bed and he was more than happy to do that. Where was he now? The bathroom perhaps, or the living room? Propping her torso up on her elbows with some effort her searching eyes looked for her husband.
She called out. “Gábor, where are you?”
No answer.
Helena turned back looking for the door to the kitchen and there he was, a tray in both hands loaded with fruits and a pot of tea, slices of freshly baked bread and with a big chunk of crusty bread between his teeth he muttered something.
“Hmumpf. Hmmamp-mpf.” Relief flooded through her.
“Yea, and the same to you too. I thought you had deserted me. You were quiet like shit in the grass.”
“Emumpf Mbenempf,” he declared, putting the tray down and taking the chunk of bread from his mouth.
“I thought you would want to eat something,” he explained much more intelligibly and grinned. “You were very active last night. Kicking and moaning as if you had a romantic interlude with someone and I know it wasn’t me.”
“Did I say something or mentioned any names, like calling someone’s name other than yours?” she inquired with a smile.
“Not that I could swear to have heard clearly or that person would be dead now,” he assured her.
“Aw. I’m glad I still can keep it a secret,” she replied and kissed him. “You never know. You may kill the wrong father of my son.”
“There could be only one father,” he said.
“Yah, but who?” teasingly she kissed him again.
They loved playing. Neither one of them had any interest in seeing anybody else and Helena had captured his heart from the moment he laid eyes on her and it was exclusively mutual. Gábor felt he’d run into a wall the time he first saw her and Helena knew she’d never leave him.
“How was your sleep?”
“I had this crazy nightmare again, the one I told you about.”
“The one with the cats?”
“Yes. But it’s not the cats that are scary; it’s the whole scenario. But listen. Let’s have breakfast. I’m starving.”
“Good. Eat. That baby is eating you up from the inside. I’m going to have a serious word with him later,” he threatened.
“I love him and you Gábor. I want more cannibals like him. He keeps me slim.” She was certain it was a boy.
Taking a slice of bread with cream cheese she bit heartily into it, leaving a cheese mustache on her upper lip. Gábor kissed it off her.
“That’s not what I see.”
“Don’t blame the baby. It was you that made me fat. You’re not innocent you know.”
“Perhaps it was an alien,” defended Gábor.
“Impossible. You were keeping me for yourself all the time. There wouldn’t have been anyone able to get to me long enough to say hello.”
“Are you saying you would be interested in an alien?”
“You are all the alien I want, you strange creature. Wait until this one is ready to leave his temporary home and I’ll be all over you like fleas on a dog. I can’t wait to have another. I want a big family Honey.”
“Me too Sweetheart. I want to see you in the girls.”
Happy newlyweds, having breakfast in bed, loving each other and bantering was one of the greatest pleasures they had.
“We need to see dad this week,” he continued. “He invited the whole town to get together to celebrate the baby, but I want the delivery here in Buda, not there. You come to term in four weeks or so and your parents want to see us before then too so we better go there soon.”
“The baby is due in September Gábor. We have time. It’s only the second of August now.”
“You’re taking a long time getting up and putting on your moccasins,” he insisted. “If we don’t get moving you will deliver the baby in the car.”
“As long as you’re there it’s okay with me.”
“You’ll mess up the seats.”
“And?”
“I’ll send you the cleaning bill,” he threatened.
“If you do I’ll make sure you’ll have a bed in the hospital right next to mine so I can look after your injuries.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Try me.”
Scratching his unshaven chin he looked at her.
“You think you’re ready to take me on? You didn’t practice much the last two months.”
“Neither did you. You were too busy treating me like a beached whale. I’m pregnant, not helpless.”
“And how did that happen anyway?” he asked quizzically.
Helena looked at him.
“Perhaps those daily amorous activities have something to do with it. Look it up on the Internet,” she suggested.
Waving off her suggestion he declared.
“Too many conspiracy theories on there. I wouldn’t trust it.”
“Not much conspiracy about pregnancies,” she pointed out.
”What about the movie “Alien”? You always claim that I’m an alien. The alien implanted its baby through the mouth of its victim and then it popped out through the guy’s chest, remember?”
“That was a movie, Honey, just a movie. We had oral sex many times and nothing popped out of my chest ever and never will.” Whipping open the nightgown she wore lately she exposed her breasts. “See? Nothing is popping out of here that shouldn’t pop out.”
“I hope that’s a promise,” he said. “It would spoil the view,” and with a sudden gesture he buried his head between her breasts and snorted like a horse. Both laughed and Gábor moved back, giving her some space, he put his hand on her bulging belly, feeling the baby through her skin. Helena smiled. Gábor would make a great father for their children. He was gentle and considered and she looked forward having more of them with him.
Still, Helena couldn’t shake the nightmarish pictures in her head and she put them down as a syndrome of her pregnancy, the fears of a first-time mother that something could go wrong with her baby, but she didn’t want to burden her husband with her worries and dropped the topic. Every test and doctors visit had given her the most perfect bill of health that even surprised the doctors. She’d never had morning sickness symptoms or showed any signs of fatigue; she was worrying for no reason and thus they went to see Gábor’s father and also planned to see her parents straight after, but things don’t always work out as they are planned.

STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 1 NEXT WEEK