27 CONFESSIONS

With five in the boat, it was a bit crowded and they had to make space for Lundy to lie down. The best place to keep out of wind and spray was in the front, the rest had to sit or lie where they could. Ivan started the engines and they moved out, a concerned Kahekili waving after them. It would be two hundred nautical miles to go with light winds and at a twenty-knot speed, ten hours of nothing to do but talk. They all hoped the weather would cooperate. With Gábor at the helm, Vai beside him on the left, Ivan sat on the tube of the inflatable opposite Leilani; they wearily looked at each other. Neither one of them knew how to begin a conversation, but then Leilani broke the uncomfortable silence.

"You were going to leave without Lundy and take the chance of having your story uncovered," Leilani said, facing Ivan. Ivan shrugged his shoulder.

"I had to make a choice about what was more important; my self-respect or living a life of infamy over the betrayal of a friendship and commitment I've made to my friend and his family. I chose integrity over false happiness if I would have abandoned them in their need.  Life seldom is what is seems. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. My self-respect and loyalty may cost me my happiness, but what other choice is there?"

Leilani's eyes scrutinized his face for a long time while Vai cowered near Gábor as if she were afraid he'd jump over the side.  Leilani turned to Gábor.

"I want to apologize to both of you. I was too hasty in my judgment about you two. What you told us about what you went through with your family is unprecedented in human history as far as I know. I think there would not be one person in the world that would have done anything different what you all did. My pride and self-importance had the better of me when I felt lied to, I'm sorry for that. I see now why you had to do what you did."

Turning to Ivan she continued. "I'm very impressed with your integrity Ivan. Vai had to point out to me how authentic you two men are and how real and dedicated you are to each other. That is a quality I value very much in any person and don't find it often. When you decided to leave, disregarding the consequences of a possible discovery of your secret, my daughter reminded me of the values I cherish and forgot over my injured ego. When you left without my patient, Vai saw your true worth. That was the tipping point of my decision to bring him." Her eyes held his. "I believe you were sincere and acted with integrity to Gábor and his family. You are very brave, I must admit, but I must know if I can trust you if I decide to commit to a relationship with you. Never in my life has a man made a complete fool out of me in one night and I'll be damned if I'm going to take it without having my chance to get even. I have to know who you are and that is not possible without being around you and observing you. I want the whole truth. You owe me that."

She looked at Ivan while she delivered her line of a request for honesty. Ivan felt her probing eyes and searched his mind for the right words to express how he felt and how to formulate them clearly. He was in turmoil emotionally because he really felt love for Leilani and desired to have a relationship with her, yet at the same time for his friendship with Gábor, he would sacrifice his own happiness if it came to that point. Then he decided just to speak from his heart.

"Leilani," he began in a low voice only she and Vai could hear, "I'm sorry to have presented you a lie about us being other than whom we really are, but at that time I didn't know you from a fish in the ocean. I had no idea that I would fall in love with you. Our objectives were to have him," and he indicated toward Lundy, "with us and to find a way to buy his silence in order to protect my friends. I made that commitment before I met you and I fell in love with you after that.  When I fell for you, I felt rotten to have lied to you and I wanted to confess but was not sure how to or how you would take it.

My first commitment is to my friends and their safety and even if I lose you, I will not break that vow. As you said, I will not betray my friends and live with that for a life with you. I wouldn't be able to live with that shame of betrayal. I believe I would be losing your love and respect in the long run also for abandoning my friends in need and thinking only of my own happiness.  If that is offensive to you, then we made a mistake and in that case, I thank you for the most beautiful experience I have had in more than thirty years, and we call it off, very much to my regret. We'll take you and this man to Papeete and what happens then, I don't know, but I will not desert my friends in need. The ball is in your court now, it's your call."

Leilani, quiet for several minutes, thought and contemplated his words. These were hard words and Leilani's ego wanted to bristle at them, but the words also spoke of integrity and deep honesty. Was that not something she wanted? Most of her life she knew people who played games, to get her to sleep with them, and she fell for it a few times because they rubbed her ego the right way. She needed intimacy like any woman. Her late husband was an acceptable man and their two children were a product of their intimacy, and he also had a love for others and that wasn't the problem, but he played games she had to learn to live with, to keep the family together according to western principles. The temptation on an island with a ratio of four women to one man was indeed a challenge as she noticed with Vai. Women competed for every man since the western world ideas had taken over the old ways where nobody had claims on another person before. Everybody was accessible with some exceptions for chiefs in some cases. Ever since the new moral concepts were introduced, all the old customs went underground and turned love and affection into sin and something to be guilty and ashamed about. Still, many women shared men, and several women sired a number of children with a common father, others had no idea who the father was.

After her husband died she had been with a few men, some married men for a night or longer to satisfy her biological needs and for fun and pleasure, but it never got beyond the sex and she hadn't felt guilty because it was out in the open. She had an outlet for a while with one colleague, but that fizzled out because of his restless nature and the urge to have many partners. His French background created an attitude of ambivalence and made her feel unworthy when he left her in the middle of a date with her to follow a buxom blond.  She couldn't blame him with that many women looking for a man and women did the same. The old traditions were still alive in many parts of Polynesia and many practiced it including herself, but not while she was married. She had many opportunities but held back the desire to be with any of them, plus the studies in England were hard. When hormonal pressures became unbearable, she flew home for a week. Money wasn't a problem, but Dominique often was.

Hinanu had moved because of him and in the end, she also grew tired of his sermons and hypocrisy. She spent the time with Vai and her husband when he was around and returned to pick up her studies when she returned to the college in London. Vai was the highlight of her visits and she had been very close to her and told her about the college she studied at. Vai thought she might take up veterinary science there too.

 When she was home from London a year before she graduated from Cats collage, Vai had told her about her cousin and her sexual experience with him. Dominique had a fit and cited the bible, Sodom and Gomorrah and the end of the world. A week later a shark got him and he went to meet his god.

That was the end of his world. She had returned to London after the funeral and finally relented to two men, twins, who had pursued her since she had entered Cats Collage and were after her like bears for honey. Both were nice, studied dentistry and played tennis with her when they had the time. Their main objective had been her and they teased her relentlessly, calling her "Iron Maiden" and "Alaskan princess", but they were handsome and fun to hang out with. One night after a night on the town, she decided to see where their play would lead and even after three years knowing them, she couldn't keep them apart. They had played games with her and they were inventive. Gert and Uli, both from Germany, were the lucky ones when she gave up which one to date, so she dated both of them and they got together a few times for a threesome. Dominique was soon forgotten.

She had that with another female before she was married and lived on Hiva Oa. It had been with a young woman by the name Rebecca from Israel at the insistence of Dominique. He introduced Rebecca and said he couldn't keep up with her, but didn't want another man with her and thought another woman would satisfy her lust.

Leilani was young and curious, not stupid. Dominique lusted after Becky; that much she knew. Rebecca had been two years older than her and just as horny as she was and it was fun. When Dom conked out after he had her and Becky, the two women laughed and continued with each other until they had enough and fell exhausted into a deep sleep. Dom found them embraced and rumpled, took them again then and whenever he had a chance.

Leilani thought it was only Becky and she that Dominique had sex with, but Becky found out that he slept with whoever was available. Then Leilani got pregnant and Dom married her, still sleeping with other women, produced five more children with five different women yet claimed Christian morals. Rebecca was still beautiful and one of her best friends, but they were not seeing each other since Becky had moved to Bora Bora two years ago.

In London having had two men, she felt for the first time what it was like to have sex with two men at the same time and enjoyed it, but the bigotry of the western culture was not her cup of tea and after her graduation she returned to Tahiti, working in the hospital before taking the job on Niau to be with Vai. Seeing her on weekends was not enough. The men around Niau were all too happy to be with any woman who had a need. Her daughter Vai started her periods when she was twelve and had become sexually active late, almost fifteen, just before her father died, and it was with a cousin of age thirteen who became her first encounter, borne out of curiosity and hormonal pressure.

Then she accepted a married man who had been pursuing her and Vai for a long time, he was persistent, and she felt the pressure of her own need.  He had been with Vai a few times too, she knew, but neither she nor Vai loved any of the men here. She thought them to be immature and ignorant in many ways, and Leilani looked forward to seeing Vai going off to Europe to find someone more to her liking. Even Leilani had considered it. Sophistication was important to her.

When Leilani noticed Vai's flirting with Gábor, she understood Vai, but knowing the ideology of Western ways of committed relationships, of underground promiscuity, she had to remind Vai that Gábor was Taboo and Vai relented; nevertheless, Leilani felt Vai desired Gábor and could see herself alongside his wife as a mistress. This may not be unless his wife agreed.

Yes, Gábor was a very attractive man, even to her, but she thought westerners were one-woman-men, at least outwardly, and Gábor seemed to have found the perfect woman. Leilani would do what it took to keep Vai from getting involved with Gábor and possibly getting hurt.

She had observed Gábor when he talked about his son and wife and there was a strong love that was undeniable. She felt a powerful emotion surging through her when she saw Gábor and Ivan. She would accept both as partners, but being Europeans, westerners, as she called them, the two could be bliss or they could be hell.

Their charisma was about the same and if they were Polynesian men, she would invite them both to join her. Curious about Gábor's wife, she would ask more about her when there was time.

Now she'd met Ivan, a deep thinker, funny with a zest for life and integrity. He was a great lover and also very handsome with incredible stamina and he had turned her inside out during their sexual encounter. She had several orgasms and so did Ivan in one night of passion.

He had satisfied her very well indeed. She'd never experienced anything like it before with any men, and that alone would have been enough to consider a long-term relationship with him, but when they revealed to her the lie about why they came to Niau, her trust in him hit a low point.

What would stop him from lying to her again? Why did he tell a lie, she asked herself? Did he not trust her? She was sure his love was genuine. Nobody could be that good of an actor through five orgasms in one night without giving himself or herself away.

When they left, she felt paralyzed and couldn't think clearly. She'd found love and she was going to lose it. She was desperately trying to find answers to the "Why's." She wanted to know Ivan and already had felt she could be with him until she died. He was funny, a strong character, good looking, and seeing him stand by his friend bore witness to his strong principles, something she valued highly.

In her desperation, she asked Vai what to do and Vai had the best answer she couldn't have found on her own. Caught in her own concepts of love and that of conformity, she could not see a solution. Vai had a clearer sight. She was the unofficial kahuna on Niau.

"These two men are authentic and have integrity Ma. They are real. He is willing to give up your love for his commitment and Gábor is straight as an arrow; I like...no, I love him very much. You will never find other men like these; not here, not for a long time."

Leilani looked at her daughter and realized Vai had fallen in love with Gábor. She would have to keep an eye on her, but what she'd said about them being authentic had hit the nail right on the head. They were real. That was the key. If this man's integrity was that strong, she could trust him to have the same commitment to a relationship with her as long as she could understand that she may never present him with an ultimatum to make a choice between her and his principles. The same integrity he had for his commitments was the same that could serve their relationship. She hugged Vai then and told her to pack some things quickly for a trip to Papeete and she rushed to Lundy, roused him out of his bed, and helped him dress for the trip. She changed into long pants and a buttoned shirt grabbed the bag with Lundy's belongings and helped him to walk to the beach, hoping Ivan and Gábor hadn't left yet. When she saw them pushing the dinghy into the water, she realized she'd just about made it in the last possible second. When she called to Gábor and he turned toward her in surprise, she knew her destiny had taken a turn that would change her life. Deep in her heart, she felt it was the right choice.

Leilani's eyes softened when Ivan confessed his love to her and when he spoke of his commitment, they hardened again and softened one more time as she struggled with her own demons. Ivan thought she'd made her choice and his heart felt like a stone in his chest and he was about to shut-down emotionally. He saw the angry furrow between her eyes and then noticed they seemed to soften as she lifted her chin, and a gentle look replacing the stern expression along with a soft smile, like sunshine after a storm, spread over her face. His hopes soared. No woman had ever taken him on an emotional rollercoaster ride before; this one did.

He had not had a woman for more than ten years, and that one time, ten years ago was a drunken mistake, when in one of those dark hours of the soul he succumbed to a drink, and it led to a few more. Aided by the sympathetic neighbour’s wife and husband, all three of them ended up in bed. He didn't want to recall all that happened that night, it was hedonistic, it was not bad, but he had missed the element of love. When he had left the next morning with the woman encouraging him to visit them again, he swore to never touch alcohol in those quantities again in the presence of a woman and had not done so since. The woman was attractive, but he wanted more than just the satisfaction of hormonal relief.

Her husband was game and if he wanted to, he could share the woman with him, but Ivan didn't want that and only when Gábor and Helena had moved into the neighbourhood, did he become aware of the pleasures he missed. He envied Gábor for his fortune but respected him too much to encroach on his wife and let his feelings go into hibernation mode.

Last night Leilani had awakened his dormant desires and his heart blossomed like the Northern Canadian polar region after a harsh winter. Watching her dancing, her dazzling smile that seemed to be only seeing him triggered in him feelings he had buried for many years and thought he'd lost forever. Then he felt like dancing and the muscles he'd trained hard in the martial arts remembered that they had other functions too and came to life. He danced for Leilani and seeing her laughing and applauding reminded him of love he once knew and thought dead. He tried to dance like the Polynesian men and in the middle of it Leilani whispered to him that she wanted to go to the beach with him. They left and when they'd found some boulders, Leilani turned to him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with open mouth. He was ready for it long before this moment and with her body pressed against his, her hands pulling his bottom to her loins, his legs between hers, he felt her pelvis rubbing hard and urgently on his rigid swelling. Her splayed thighs felt hot and the musky odour of her sex strong in his nostrils, there was no holding back.

 "I must have you," she moaned and kissed him hard. In a flash, he dropped his pants and entered her without any foreplay. Dancing had been foreplay enough. Leilani was soaking wet and his long abstinence paid off.

They made wild, passionate love on the sparse patches of grass, standing up, sitting, and alternating being on top then reversing and later from behind for deep penetration, and after both were satisfied for the third time, they returned to the fare and silently went into her bedroom and continued there until the sky turned grey and Leilani re-evaluated her views about westerners retentive sexuality.

Ivan snuck to his quarters and Leilani fell into a deep and exhausted sleep with a happy smile on her face until Vai woke her. Ivan wasn't aware that Leo didn't sleep. He was still in his mind, curious and eager to see what would come out of Ivan's adventure. He remembered well Ivan wanting to know what Tahitian women looked like and so Leo got an education in sexual practices through the mind-link and was not sure what to do with it, but Helena was off the hook to get books about the Birds and the Bees.

In the morning he relayed to Helena what he'd experienced, but left out the juicy details. She was happy for Ivan, but when he felt guilty about the deception to get Lundy and the urge to disclose their secret, she panicked. Helena did not want to convey to Gábor the bad news right away and waited until he woke up. She was not so sure if she should be happy or concerned about it. Wondering if they should remind Ivan to guard his thoughts a bit so they were not "readable" Helena did bring up the topic.

Ivan was embarrassed and apologized.

"I guess we have to take some lessons in mind control as soon as we get back to you guys and now that these girls here know about you, we might as well include them as well, but not before you meet in person," Leo relayed Ivan's half apology to Helena.

"We agree. Who knows what they think of a cat who reads minds," returned Helena.

Leilani's eyes were still on Ivan's while he thought about what lay in the past and she knew nothing of all that, but since the ball was in her court now, she would play it. She decided to take the bull by the horns.

"Since the ball is mine to play, here is what I would like to do with it."

She stood up and leaned over and down to Ivan's face and lifted it a bit, kissed him on the lips with her tongue slightly extended so he could feel it on his lips and just for a second he returned the kiss and then they separated.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" He dared to hope.

"Ivan, I have met many people who have lied and deceived me and none ever regretted or apologized for it, even when I found out. I'm not innocent in that area either. I've done my share too, and you've made me aware of that with your confession. Who am I to judge? I've got some old fish in my fridge too and it is time for me to clean them out." She took a deep breath and looked Ivan in the face.

"You see, my husband died four years ago as you already know. He was the proverbial French rooster and produced seven children, two with me, and the others with other women. Other than Vai and Hinanu, there's Yohan, Jules and Vaihere, a half-sister and two half-brothers were born, one after Hinanu and another after Vai.

There's also a boy on Rangiroa, and another on Fakarava, each born to a different woman, but he disputed them as his. He wanted to be a Christian and lived like a hypocrite. He couldn't accept my adherence to our Polynesian culture, but he relished in it. At the same time, he wouldn't have liked to see me doing it.

Hinanu, Vai's older sister, lives on Tahiti now with a French man and will move to France very soon. I think I will visit her when we are in Papeete. She is twenty-two now, twenty-three in July and Jacques is forty. He is happy to have a young woman and she appears to enjoy his attention. I haven't seen them for almost a year now and this is a good opportunity to do so, another reason why I came on this trip. You may want to ask about the children of Dominique and how it is possible I lived with a man who obviously did not adhere to marital vows. You see, with that many women and so few men, the men have a big choice with women and partnerships are much more relaxed here than in the Western societies. It has moved underground, pretence is the norm. Additionally, I'm from the Marquesas originally and polyandry was normal, which means a woman could have several partners there, yet on Tahiti, it was the other way around.

Polygyny, a practice where a man may have more than one vahine was normal. When a man or a woman desired a partner, they traveled to the other islands, but if that was not feasible for one reason or another, they shared partners. The missionaries tried to limit that and it created an undercover activity where affections to another, not your primary partner, became a sin according to them. Dishonesty and deceit are the results of these restrictions.

Dominique grew up in Papeete with a traditional family that was Mormons on the surface and allowed them to practice multiple partners some time ago. That allowed them to play the old ways and be Christians. Dom soaked that up and later turned Catholic, but he still wanted to have all that pleasure our old culture provided. Does that explain his "promiscuousness?"

Ivan, listening to Leilani who spoke in a low voice more to him than Gábor, nodded. The conversation had a private character. Lundy couldn't hear a word and Gábor focused more on the sea than paying attention to them. It was their session to clear up their problems.  Vai sat beside him, occasionally glanced in his direction, but remained silent. She seemed to mull over something while Leilani conversed with Ivan about her culture and her preferences.

"We all have sometimes a desire for another partner and in our old culture we have promoted sexuality and have never considered it a sin. It was all for fun and pleasure. The word adultery means nothing to us, we didn't even have a word for it and affection was shared freely without shame or guilt, but I want to be your number one sweetheart, you're "here hoe". If you want to love someone beside me, I want to know. I want to let you know that if Gábor weren't married, I'd have both of you two.

But whatever the situation is, he is married, you two are Westerners and I was long enough in London to know about your relationship arrangements; one man for one woman is your custom and I'm not going to attempt to interfere in that. As it is, you could be my ‘here hoe'. Just have respect and be honest with me. I can do a relationship with one man and I will give my attention entirely to that person if he is showing me the same courtesy.

It doesn’t mean I want to imprison you to be exclusive with me, but I want to feel free being with you because I want to. If you desire to be with someone else, I’ll have the same freedom. I will not tolerate unequal rights or privileges. What is good for the gander is also good for the goose I heard someone say in England."

She took a deep breath. "If you are not taking me for granted, don't neglect me, or leave me alone for long periods of time like Dominique used to do. I enjoy but don't need a diversion. My husband couldn't be without sex for a week but expected me to be without it for months. Fidelity is not as important to me as trust, honesty and authenticity. I need to have reliability in my mate, not blind devotion. If I'm treated with loving kindness and respect, I can tolerate much. If you can trust me, I will trust you, and we can build a life together, even if there is the occasional affair

To expect fidelity, like many Westerners do, is not realistic, but if I can trust you to be there for me when I need you, I will be there for you no matter what. My preference is for a man who has the courage to ask for what he wants from me and is not sneaking behind my back to get it somewhere else because he was too much of a coward to ask for what he wants. I hope you are that man and if what I experienced in your friendship and commitment to Gábor is any indication, you could be that man. One thing I won't tolerate is someone lying to me and I promise: you will never hear a lie from me."

Most everything Leilani said challenged Ivan's family and relationship values and hearing that she was not big on fidelity but trust struck him odd at first, but it seemed to be the reality all over the world that people were forcing themselves into a matrix that contradicted human nature, but then he understood what she said. She demanded equality and authenticity, values that established the same rights in partnership between people. That honesty was a prerequisite for her, was a given and Leilani appeared to be straight and honest in all that she did.

"It sounds like a reasonable offer and request. Would you be interested in finding out more about me?" Ivan asked.

"Only if you're interested to find out more about me. It is a reciprocal thing, Ivan. The moment I laid eyes on you, I felt attracted to you, but I never thought myself to be this much of a fool. Is your offer for dinner in Horseshoe Bay still valid?" her voice had gained strength and had more joy in it than before.

"I cleared up my appointments with the harem of the Sheik in Kuwait when you showed up on the beach. What about baked salmon with sour cream stuffing? Lena is an expert at that, but "Troll's" has the better view."

"Splendid, but who is Lena?"

"Gábor's better looking half."

"Are you in love with her?"

"Neither one of them knows. I want to keep it that way."

Vai, Leilani, and Gábor laughed heartily and Lundy's eyes were on Ivan and Leilani, but no expression showed on his dark face. He did not hear the conversation because the wind carried the words aft and he was near the bow under the splashguard to stay dry and out of the wind.  Vai turned to her mother with a wicked grin on her face.

"I bet you look forward to an encore of Ivan's performance last night."

"That might slow him down lusting after Helena, she might be disappointed and perhaps will miss your not so covert flirts."

"I thought you weren't noticing."

"You were as sneaky as a WW2 Russian Tank T-34."

"My walls were shaking all night long," said Vai.

"What do you know of our glorious war machines?" Ivan threw a life vest at her and Leilani clapped her hands. Gábor was determined to find out what that performance was.

Lundy sat up, asking. "Where are we going?"

"To another hospital, Jonathan. How do you feel?" Leilani asked.

"I feel dizzy and my head hurts."

"Why don't you lie down and rest until we get to Tahiti?"

"Are we going to see dolphins?"

"That's not likely. We are going a bit too fast. When we get to Tahiti, we may see them. Rest now."

"I'm dizzy, not tired."

"Do you want to read something then?"

"I want to see the dolphins." Leilani locked eyes with Ivan.

Ivan shook his head gently and then looked at Vai. She returned his glance, lifted a shoulder as in a shrug and she laid a hand on Lundy's arm.

"I will try to call them, okay?"

Lundy's big dark eyes looked at her and she regarded him with compassion for a few seconds then turned towards Gábor.

"Could we stop for a minute or two?"

"Sure we can. But are we not a bit too far away from land?"

"We can try. They may be out this far and they may be looking for food in the area. It will be dark in a very short time and then we will see nothing."

Throttling the engines, the boat slowed and then came to a stop.

With the engines turned off, they drifted on a gentle swell, the water was nearly flat, and it looked in some places like liquid lead. The red sun sunk under the western horizon; leaving an orange sky with pink clouds and turquoise, clear patches. It was not much of the usual splendour; it just sank below the horizon and left a darkening sky behind.  Vai whistled sharply four times and waited for a while, then again, but nothing happened. She tried again with the same result and Jonathan looked disappointed. Vai looked at him and silently put her arm on his shoulder.

"They are not around now, but we can try tomorrow in Tahiti, okay?"

She just finished her sentence when the water broke and several fins sliced through the water and then there were the dolphins. Everybody started to clap their hands and holler like children, Vai jumped into the water with an elegant dive, and the dolphins immediately swarmed around her.

Gábor thought he recognized the one with a scar on the fin that lifted him up when he was in the water. Vai said it was a male. She used the dolphin stroke and the dolphins swam alongside her and rubbed themselves on her. Others replaced the previous ones, letting her ride them for a while, then Vai held on to the one Gábor thought he'd recognized. He swam with her for a good distance then came back toward the boat. Gábor saw Vai on the back of him in a kneeling position. Her sarong clung to her, outlining her curves and she looked like a mermaid as they approached the boat.

Suddenly and unceremoniously, the dolphin bucked her off into the water, no more than two meters away and several others leaped out of the water and somersaulted. Vai climbed back aboard, water dripping on Gábor, who looked at her and then at the dolphins, still clapping his hands. Vai had a broad smile on her face and the two men hugged Vai and thanked her for the show. Lundy beamed at Vai.

"I knew you could talk to the dolphins. I want to talk to them too," said Jonathan.

"When you get better Jonathan, but now we must go," Leilani said and she arranged the place for Jonathan to sleep and gave him some pills.

"Take these, they will let you have a good sleep, and when you wake up we will be in Tahiti where you will be taken care of."

"Will you be there too?" He looked at each one of them and a little longer it seemed, at Gábor. Then he took the pills and washed them down with some water.

"We will visit sometime." Gábor started the engines and putting it into gear; he accelerated into an ink dark ocean, leaving a twin wake at the stern.