31 VAI

"No kidding," said Gábor, "but I find it rather inspirational. She had given me a lot to think about and I wonder if I could keep up with her in a philosophical debate. I've learned several things from her. She has deep insights. I don't really know from where as we don't have many books of that kind around here and no library on Niau."

"What kind of views are we talking about?" asked Ivan.

"Basically any," Leilani answered, her eyes moving from Vai to Ivan, to Gábor and back to Ivan. "It seems to me, she has a deep understanding of universal principles. Do you remember when she challenged you about ‘Why not drive several men wild instead of one?' You know the truth behind that one too. All men chase after girls since they were born male, well, some don't, so why would a female not desire a man? Some don't even care, male or female or both. We are not that different.

I don't want to go into details now, but it suffices to mention that all of us have been born into societies and have been brainwashed and indoctrinated since birth, pushed and directed into established culturally accepted ideologies and moral concepts and Vai seems not much affected by it or is too rebellious to accept them. She has…shh… wait, let me finish," she stopped her daughter from interrupting her, "...she has her own ideas and opinions and will have a difficult time finding a partner because she won't tolerate dogmas or people that are close-minded and set in their ways.

She feels no-one person may own another, that all people should be living their lives according to their own choices. I would agree with that, but it would take a lot of work to eliminate the insecurities in people, including me. Most people in a larger society abandon responsibility for themselves by letting other people make choices for them, and then the rulers make laws that others may not agree with, and so it creates friction and the people who don't conform they call immoral, their actions illegal, they become renegades and are ostracized. Kind of what you are going through with Leo. Society will reject him because he is physically different, but if you succeed in making society accept him, you could show kids like Leo and Vai how to survive emotionally and physically against ingrained perpetual stupidity. They then have a chance to change their immediate community and perhaps their whole country.

Vai may be young, but very intelligent and if she makes the right choices in life, she could affect large groups. However, if she is not careful, she could become a victim. I don't know if she is strong enough to deal with society's "demands." She would need a person open and wise enough to accept her as she is, or a sage from the Himalayas to guide her, or at least a protector to keep her out of harm's way from others and herself.  She is very outspoken against religious education and calls religion a mind pollutant. Taking on religions and established institutions like that will get her in deep trouble." Leilani explained and then turned to her daughter with a smile of a proud mother. "Now, it's your turn."

The three of them listened attentively and then Vai wanted to say something, looking at Gábor for a second and then talking generally to all of them.

"Thanks for speaking for me Ma, but I don't consider myself to be intelligent, but when I'm listening to the missionaries, who claim to be smart and spouting childish nonsense from their books, all I see is dogma repeated ad nauseam. All they know is books and nothing of life. They want to squeeze life into books and in the process take all the life out of living and believe they've found the Philosopher’s stone.

The way I see it, life is a steady change. It is not static as books are. Preachers are immobilizing life by squeezing it into rules written down in them. Books don't change their context and once written, the same words remain for thousands of years. They try to fit life into a fixed and static event while the current of life flows past them."

"What do you think of books Vai? There are a lot of written spiritual texts like the Bible, the Koran, the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Gita, and the I Ch'ing, Tao, Zen and Judean writings like the Torah. Aren't they helping?" Ivan had read most of them and was curious what Vai knew about them.

"It doesn't really matter what books were written. Those are just books with scribbles in them. They may be like fingers pointing to the moon, but these fools are mistaking the pointing finger for the moon. The purpose of writing a book is to propose an idea that people will follow, thus to control them and be able to predict their behaviour. Some of the books are helpful finding good advice and pointing inwards towards oneself, like the oracle of Delphi recommended; man, know thyself. I don't know much about Zen or Taoism, but they sound interesting. Books that promote that self-discovery are useful, others that preach dogmas and the belief of Creation, are foolish. Nothing was created. Existence is the only thing eternal; it's reality, as we know it. Some might call it Is-ness."

"Are you saying there is no Creation?" asked Ivan.

"Ivan, there is only Is-ness. Creation needs a Creator and the next logical question is then; who created the Creator? Priests like the idea of a creator. They tell you the bible says that there is a Creator, but men, not a god, wrote the bible, as they want you to believe. The base of all that Creation rests on an assumption that says there is a Creator and then written into a book by men. That is the same as a person pulls himself out of a hole by his own hair. Why do you think that god is male, looks like a man, acts, and behaves like one? We're told men were created in the image of god, but by the looks of it, it's men that created a patriarchal god in his image," Vai laid out her point.

Ivan's forehead wrinkled in thought. This concept of existence versus creation made more sense to him despite his many years of practicing meditation and studying philosophies. Almost all of the books spoke of Creation in some form and now Vai put things in a different way. What Vai said sounded like existentialism. Did she study that or was that her own idea derived from observation?

"So those books are misleading then? Is that what you're saying? Are you suggesting we shouldn't follow their guidance?"

"Only fools follow books. They can only point in a direction, giving instruction how to reach a certain state of mind, but they can't take you there without the practice they suggest. It's the practice that gives the results, not the belief in the words. Real people follow the flow of life, not scriptures. Books and scriptures can only aim at an idea, but not carry truth. Even historical accounts may contain information about what happened at some time, but not living truth. I want to point out that even historical accounts seldom report the truth. They are accounts of one's impression and then wants to see what happens as the truth."

"Are you saying that there is no truth in books," asked Gábor.

"Look, many books contain some truth in the form of instructions on how to experience truth but without the practice, they are empty words. Truth can only exist in the very present and nowhere else. All else are only memories of moments of truth, as they are perceived. You can find some various good kernels in any dung pile and scriptures are for me nothing more than bullshit as people say in the US and Canada. The most effective lies are the ones that contain a few kernels of truth. The rest is BS. Lies have no duration. They never last. Sooner or later people see the shit for what it is."

"So that would explain why there are so many variations of the Bible. Is that what you're implying?"

Ivan leaned forward, evidently fascinated by Vai's account of her views about religions. She must have read some good books. Gábor was impressed as well and Leilani seemed to enjoy her daughter's impact on them. She had a great gift of talking and making sense.

Vai looked over Ivan and took a deep breath before she continued with her favourite topic.

"When those words from the old scriptures were exhausted and outdated, new ones came up to adjust to the changes and they called it the New Testament or amendment to the law. There were a lot of different religions in the past and more today. When the people that compiled the Book of the Books called the Bible today, they put all that they liked in this one book called Book of the Books. Naturally, that can't be all consolidated without discrepancies. That's why there are so many interpretations of that book and it resulted in over 30,000 Christian denominations today. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry wants to believe that they have found the truth in those books, but writings can only point in a direction. What you discover along the way will give you a different picture, even on the same road.

If you walk down the same road at different times of the day, or during a different season, you will know what I mean. No description from a week before of the same road will fit perfectly. In addition, it really is not important which book one reads and follows. They're all pretty much trying to do the same. It's about how to control the ignorant.

Like a number of blind and ignorant people touching only one part of a cat; one touches the nose, another the tail and third fingers the claw and none is told that it is a cat that they are touching. When they are asked to describe the animal they can describe only what they know, but none of that is even close to the truth of the entire cat, but all will claim and argue that they have experienced the cat in its entirety."

"True, it is difficult to see the entire picture," Leilani agreed with her youngest daughter, "and what I have noticed in England was the many different cultures and nations didn't kill over each other’s ethnicity or religious views, but when I listen to the News coming out of America that seems to be a daily event. What idea could bring people together if not spiritual scriptures? Aren't those books teaching love?"

"No. They talk about it but don’t teach it. No instructions are given, only commandments; do this, don’t do that, but what is love? Nobody really knows. One can only feel it. Love shows in our actions and it create feelings in us and in others. Supporting another in their struggle to achieve their aim, not necessarily ours is something every living being appreciates and reciprocates in some form. It is in the assistance and respect of another’s space, their needs, their way of thinking and doing and that may not be our way. That means being in the service of each other. The only thing that could bring peace is acceptance, Ma.

You said so yourself, not interpretations of it. It's only when people believe that there is only one-way to love we have conflict. Only in the acceptance of our differences, we will find peace and love, not in making all the same.

All so-called holy books attempt to preach the same theme, Loving Kindness and Compassion for everything, that's true, but they argue over the path of how to get there. Look guys, people follow outdated books written long ago and are then in conflict with modern times and insist one must follow their outdated information, and consider others who are living in harmony with a changing world as being wicked and off the "True" path. Who in their right mind would use a map of a country made a hundred years ago to find his way around in the same country today?

It's not supposed to be about loving god or a certain book, but loving good. They have forgotten to practice one more "o" and they pray to the lesser version of "good" called "god" and preach a dogma instead. They love the gods they pray to, not each other, as is written in some books. Almost all of them weave ideologies into the good messages and so create religious ideology. I say; monkey muffins. Let go of all beliefs and live with the living facts of cause and effect. They can't be changed by beliefs or politics and opinions. Religions and opinions insist on creating more problems than anything else in the world.

While they pray to a god, they commit all kinds of atrocities in the name of their gods and expecting their god will forgive or even reward them and create peace, reserve a place in heaven for them. It is for a ‘good cause' and they forgive themselves because it is for a "higher purpose".

It's in our actions that we create the effects, including peace. But the good is not important to them because there is no profit in it, no gain, but looking pious while they screw everybody is. How else could they get ahead? It's like a rush in a supermarket blow-out sale, me first."

Vai's audience had to laugh at the comparison. The image of a mob causing a mad dash and traffic jam to the pearly gates amused them.

Not a friend of organized religion, Gábor wanted to bring up a point about Christianity's "Tree of Knowledge" that they connected with the "Original Sin". Vai regarded him with a nod and a smile.

"Good point. Why was there a tree of knowledge if it was forbidden to eat its fruit? Believers are stupid enough to believe that a god wants them to remain stupid. And they are happy with that because it justifies their laziness to study and acquire knowledge. God seems to be afraid that humans could become more knowledgeable then him and take his job and position so he forbids them to eat the fruit. Was the tree planted there to taunt men? That's a laugh. If there were gods; and let's say the gods created all this so-called intelligent life, then they would expect humans to use that intelligence and would not have restricted them eating from the tree of knowledge and then punish them for having done so and condemning them to eternal hell.

Priests have falsified truth to serve their own purposes and want us to follow their invented truth. They want us to believe their lies, calling them ‘knowledge', and they want us to buy into their ‘knowledge' they are selling, so they can look like good shepherds.

Sheep need shepherds because they are too stupid to think for themselves. There will always be some clever people trying to bamboozle others, and the only way to counteract them is to educate people not through beliefs, but through provable facts and science based on research. Gods would not care what men do with their intelligence.

‘Here is your gift of intelligence. Do with it as you please and have a nice day', they said and moved to another dimension so as not to witness people's clumsy efforts using their minds. I think the greatest gift we have is our mind, but the smallest is our wit to use it well. The gods would have only attached the effect to the cause. Once they have given men intelligence, it is up to men to use it. Otherwise, what would intelligence be good for if we weren't allowed to use it? The same people that are preaching against atrocities are the ones committing them, and then they wonder about the effect of their actions. Talk about ultimate stupidity. If you throw rocks into the water and don't like the splashes, all you have to do is stop throwing the rocks. How much simpler could it be?

As I've said, all religions teach more or less the same thing, love, compassion and respect for everything. Once you practice those values, you don't need the books any longer. I'd recommend: Forget god, love good. However, to these fools, the teachers became more important than their teaching and they want you to follow the teacher instead of the values they taught. Keeping teachers alive for a few thousand years, or even a hundred, makes them stink. They don't save lives. They suck the life out of you. Many of those values are outdated for thousands of years and we still follow them."

Vai lifted a glass of water to her mouth, drank its content, and filled it again. All the others used the time to let her words sink in. Vai's words did not reflect her age and surprised even Ivan and her mother.

"Vai, where did you get all these insights from? I mean there are some values in those books and not all of it is bad. There is some eternal truth in them, don't you think? Calling them BS is a bit harsh."

"That is what makes those books so dangerous, Ma. I said a little while ago, a little truth makes a big lie believable. I'll repeat; you can find in the biggest pile of horseshit a grain of oats that went through the horse undigested. Someone discovered it by accident and presented the whole pile as the truth and sold it to the ignorant, claiming divine inspiration and becomes a priest, selling horseshit." Loud laughter interrupted Vai's speech and not only from their table. Others patrons have followed her talk and Vai's presentation was humorous. She nodded her head in their direction to acknowledge their silent participation, and then she continued.

"Truth is that any person who has a new idea may claim divine inspiration. Yes, there are some good values in books, but it needs intelligence to see what is good and what is self-serving. Some ideas work well for a little while, perhaps even for a year. Values may last longer, but they could also change with circumstances. Times changes, anything alive changes, even solid rocks change. You know that. Life changes, commitments made today to people, to things or situations change, become useless and even detrimental to growth. Even death is impermanent. All that exists is impermanent and Is-ness, the present, is the only and ultimate reality. I believe I've said that before.

It is not necessary to abandon a thing or situation if it works. It is also possible to add something to it and improve it that way. It may grow and flourish to unimaginable heights as long as there is understanding and loving-kindness. As I see it, small-minded ideas and restrictions, traditions, limitations and orthodoxy that imprisons and hold positive developments hostage. Out of fear that we might lose something, we desperately cling to outdated ideas as if they were the paths to salvation.

Take love for example. We find a person and fall in love. Then we are afraid of losing that person and close our fist tightly around them to prevent them from leaving. The other can't breathe, suffocates, wants to escape, and is looking for any opportunity to fly. I've heard somewhere; the embrace of love held too tight would suffocate and even kill the one you love. Let them be free and support their freedom to make their own choices. By assisting them to fulfill their aspirations, they will love you for it and want to do the same for you. They will happily remain because they have the freedom to leave, but that doesn't mean they'll use it.

These are the values that schools would be wise to propagate and teach, not the dogma of dead prophets who couldn't make it work in their time, yet their followers continue with those stupidities and don't see how it destroys freedom and life because they are afraid of it. These fools call themselves knowledgeable, but they are prisoners to their ‘knowledge' and their insecurities and believe that by holding on to a sinking ship, it will save their lives. They are the biggest fools I've had the displeasure to listen to, and they are trying to run the world and save our souls. Heaven, save us from them."

Everybody was silent for several seconds after Vai's speech; even the guests at the other tables were in deep silence, looking at Vai as if she were some alien from another galaxy explaining faster than light travel to some appreciating audience. Ivan broke the silence with a clearing of his throat.

"Never would I have thought to hear this from a young woman like you Vai." His voice expressed the respect he had for her. "I have read books and lived a rough life, but it took me sixty-seven years to meet someone like you. You are not only beautiful and passionate but also wise beyond common understanding. Be careful to whom you speak. You could be very dangerous to any establishment and your youth and beauty will not save you. They still crucify messengers of truth regardless of what or who you are. For my part, I'm impressed."

The other guests at their tables talked in hushed tones among themselves and directed furtive, but respectful glances towards them. Gábor was still in awe and looked at Vai as if he just now realized the depth of her intelligence and his thoughts turned inward. He made love with a Sage. He understood the point she was hinting at. Accepted norms, which were not of his own making, created by others, and accepted without examination of their present values, imprisoned him. He had found a lot of things wrong with the way society was run and rebelled, but still his rebellion was also based on values that were not his own. He just had to look back at how he'd tried resisting Vai because he believed in commitment and loyalty to Helena, instead of to love. Loving Vai didn't change his love for Helena; in reality, it made his love stronger.

Without any doubt, he loved Helena and would do so forever, but he didn't have to exclude anybody else he loved. He had not given Leo the love that he deserved until recently, because he was not what he expected him to be when he created a life together with Helena. Vai asked him last night when he claimed to love Helena if there was a place for somebody else. ‘Loving me does not mean you have to stop loving Helena. And isn't love just love?' He had withheld love from Leo and almost lost Helena because his love was conditional. How could he be free if it was himself creating a condition of thinking he was not free?

He created his own prison with the way he thought. Helena never imprisoned him. He did it all by himself. He had wanted Leo to be human so he could accept and love him. What a bunch of crock. More and more he wanted to embrace these concepts that were new to him and not because they were Vai's, but because they made him see the errors of his thinking. These words that Vai spoke had a strong effect on his views and he thought about his family and how Vai's love liberated him to love unconditionally. Leo, Helena, forgive me for the lost opportunities to love you as you deserve,' he thought.

Unnoticed by him and the others, Leo and Helena had stayed in contact since the last linking because of Gábor's thinking so intensely about them when Vai spoke. He had focused on Vai's discourse and so Leo and Helena witnessed all that Vai said and in the background, she felt his emotions for Vai without details, but what Vai talked about was coming through clearly enough.

When Vai finished, Gábor turned inward. That was when the connection became vague, but they still received his deep emotions for them and shed a few tears. He meant what he thought. Silently Leo gently withdrew now. Helena intended to keep this involuntary eavesdropping to her and instructed Leo to do the same. She was deeply impressed with Vai's ability to vocalize and express her views and her message was clear. This was a woman she wanted to get to know much better. She felt Gábor's feelings for herself, Vai, and Leo, but no details came through the link and Helena was happy for him that he had feelings for Vai. She had never been a jealous person and considered it a privilege to be with him and wouldn't begrudge him if he did love more than just her. She could see herself accepting Vai as a lover to him.

On occasions, she had noticed other women's interest in him and she wondered why he ignored it. Was he perhaps worried she might leave him? Was he worried she would want the same liberty for herself? Since she'd known him, she had only once thought of another man. Gábor was the perfect man for her; never boring or smothering, always a great listener and he carried conversations well, he had a great sense of humour, and he was disciplined and responsible. As a lover, he was adventurous and loyal, perhaps too much so. As long as he did not lie, she wouldn't object if he had an interest in another woman because what she was looking for in a partner was love reliability and trustworthiness, not blind fidelity. Integrity to one's own principles and authenticity was far more important to her than faithfulness.

She had met other men since she'd been with Gábor, mainly in the course of her work and the Dojo she had practiced Aikido, and none had ignited her interest to get involved with. Ivan was their closest friend and about as intriguing a man as any she would consider and if it wasn't for Gábor, she'd be interested in finding out more about him, including sex, but she wouldn't risk losing Gábor's love for it. Without his knowledge and consent, it would never happen and they only broached that prospect once.

In the Aikido class in Vancouver was a man by the name of Jensen who had his eyes on her for a long time and had the attention of other women as well. Handsome, active, rich and a good talker, but a poor listener, he had asked her out a few times and once she accepted an invitation for coffee. She had called Gábor and informed him where she would be and drove with Jensen to the Teahouse in Stanley Park, a place known for its romantic setting and she did find him interesting enough.

While they had their coffee he talked a lot about his business, how successful he was and the travels he'd made and he tried hard to mould her but heard nothing she said and didn't even ask her about her interests, not once and that turned her off. He knew everything about anything but wasn't interested in what she knew. To be polite and to make him aware that he was doing a solo performance, she remarked on how much he seemed to know, and his chest swelled a bit more. After a long monolog, he put his hand on hers and suggested a drink at a more private setting.

"I have a nice place and could tell you much more about the things I know and you can show me what you know," he said with a wink. Helena patted his hand and countered sweetly.

"Now, why would you be looking for more knowledge from me if you already know everything?" then she withdrew her hands and leaned back in her chair. He was smart enough to get the message.

There was not much talk after that and Helena left the cafe ten minutes later and told Gábor about it when she got home. He listened silently and waited for her to finish and just looked at her, nodded once in a while, but said nothing. When she finished telling him everything about the coffee date with Jenkins, he asked her how the classes went in Aikido and whether she was hungry. Did she eat anything in that café? She had laughed and kissed him. The fact that he had just listened to her without interruption or berating her, letting her in, the feeling that she was heard and accepted, and then offered to cook dinner, was the ticket to her love. He didn't need to worry about other men. He was all the man she needed. Perhaps it would be up to her to encourage him to be free.

Of course, she didn't want to leave him, but she figured that if she let him be free, he would remain with her. Adding a little spice to his diet would enhance his appetite. Once Vai came for a visit, she would talk with her. Having resolved that line of thought, she continued to work on the shack with Leo. It would be done before they arrived.

Gábor admitted to himself again that he loved Vai just as much as he loved Helena. His problem was, he presumed, Helena wouldn't approve of him making love with Vai. He still wondered what she really meant when she said; she could see him with her. These questions seemed to revolve in his mind over and over. Did she imply she would welcome another woman beside her? And if so, would she take the same liberties for herself? Could he handle it if she had another man? He tried to imagine her with a lover like they did in their fantasies sometimes, but acting it out for real was another thing. He realized how his own insecurities were rearing their ugly heads. What if she found another man and left him? Would she leave him if he told her about Vai or insist on the same liberty?

The thought that she could leave him for another man created turmoil in him. He would never survive it emotionally, not even if that would leave him with Vai. To him, Helena was the elixir of life, his breath, and his heartbeat. Vai had expanded his horizons dramatically, but he didn't have the history with her that he did with Helena. Through Vai, he'd realized that it would be possible for him to love more than one person and surely, the same could happen to Helena. He thought he could handle that if she still loved him. They had never insisted on exclusivity when they made their oath to love each other.

Next, he wondered if he could live without Vai. He had no clear answer for that either. Possibly. He loved her, but his love with Vai was only one day old, and there was some other connection with her that would be very hard to deny. It was a deep soul connection and not just sex, although that was as natural and enjoyable with her as it was with Helena.

His connection with Helena was that of love, mutual support, and understanding, a deep friendship and acceptance of another. They were a symbiotic amalgamate. Helena and he had been through a lot together over the years and that's created indestructible bonds, no matter what or who came between them. Helena and he were soul mates, not ‘slave-mates'. Those bonds would always be there. Vai was the spiritual inspiration he and Helena were looking for when they'd taken seminars with some teachers, to find peace within themselves during the hard times.

Gábor felt strongly that Vai could be the catalyst that bonded him with Helena even stronger. He felt he needed both. Over time the bonds that existed between Helena and him would also happen between him and Vai if Helena agreed to Vai becoming his consort. That it had started with an intimate engagement troubled him because of his present mindset.

Could Vai be another soul mate for him? How many could there be? What loyalty meant to him was an outdated concept with Vai on the scene. He listened to what Vai said and it changed many of his views about it. So far, it appeared to benefit him, but the question was, could he accept another man as consort for Helena to be fair? He didn't know.

He once shared a woman with another man, but it was an act out of anger. Sharing Helena with another man in a threesome had only been a fantasy and excited him and her in the heat of passion, but neither one considered doing it for real. He knew about her fetish of sucking his fingers sometimes while he made love to her. It looked sexy and excited him, but did that imply she wanted to be stimulated orally as well during intercourse or was it for his pleasure? Would Helena want to include another man in their sexual activities? Who did she imagine?

Could he accept her sleeping with another man if she wanted that? Occasionally, perhaps, and if she was discreet about it. If she did, he would prefer not to know about it, the proverbial ostrich method, if I don't see it, it doesn't happen. He read in some magazines about men who shared their girlfriends or wives with other men and said they enjoyed watching them having intercourse. He put it down as very improbable, but then again, why would it not be possible? Because he wouldn't do it?

What would happen if he were incapable of conducting sex with his mate, or if he was away for a longer period? Would she have to abstain because he could not be there for her? Could he not just enjoy her enjoyment? Would Helena or Vai diminish in value to him if they were to have sex with someone other than him? All three of them had partners before and it did not matter to him then, so why would it be different when they had someone while he wasn't with them? Was this an ownership issue that he carried around like a ball and chain? He had gained experience through the women he had before meeting Helena and it benefited her and her past involvement with men taught her a thing or two about them and it imparted her the experience she had. His value, because of his experiences, had increased and so had his skills; so if the women had other partners, their value would logically increase too. Who enjoyed an inexperienced partner? Everybody had a different taste. He knew about swingers, but he wasn't interested in that and couldn't imagine being naked around other men, especially not in the same bedroom. If Helena were interested in another man, he would have to accept it to be fair after what happened between Vai and him, but couldn't see himself participating.

And what about Vai? Would he be upset if Vai slept with another man? What did he know about Vai aside from her ideas? Not much. Did he want to know? Was it necessary to know everything about her? Was it not enough to know that she loved him?

To love unconditionally his ego had to get out of the way. What he experienced, was his to deal with, and what his mate experienced, was hers to deal with. It was easier to think about this than seeing it in reality, and he wondered if he ever would be in a situation where he would have to experience that. He had to talk to her as soon as possible. These topics were not the mainstream themes. Nobody talked about them. It was as if the things that were essential for a better understanding of one’s desires and fantasies, preferences and unexpressed dreams were forbidden.

But who forbid them? He knew from observation and experience that secret and unexpressed desires tended to become toxic in a relationship. When partners had expectations towards their partners and those expectations were not fulfilled, sooner or later they were prone to seek other partners, hoping that the new partner could fill the need.

What need did he have that he had to have Vai? Helena was perfect in all aspects. He loved her and she loved him. What was his need to get together with Vai? Sexually Helena was as desirable and satisfying as Vai and she was open to almost all kinds of experimentations and suggestions. Making love with her daily, sometimes twice or more when time allowed, was as if they couldn't be satiated with each other. Perhaps it was his secret sexual appetite that wanted to see Helena in a threesome, man, or woman. He didn't know and that was his insecurity that made him think Helena could possibly want another man like he now had Vai.